Geography
by Ellipsis the Great
Summary: Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. Zoro/Sanji drabble.


_**Geography**_

_A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great_

_**Summary**__: Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. Zoro/Sanji drabble._

_**DISCLAIMER**__: One Piece and everything affiliated with it belongs to Eiichiro Oda, Shonen Jump, etc. The quote in the summary is from Robert Byrne. All I own is the plot…_

_**Rated**__: M_

Zoro has been sleeping with people (women and men) for a very long time. He doesn't really view himself as a particularly sexual person, but he enjoys sex in his own way.

He likes women well enough, but finds sleeping with them more tiresome than anything else. It takes work to properly sleep with a woman (making love, he's heard it called), unless he is very close with her, but that rarely happens. Usually if they become close to him—or think they have become close to him—their talk turns to marriage and children and, really, it is all far too bothersome for him. He has thus far found it impossible to be in a casual, sex-only relationship with a woman for any great length of time, and can't quite resign himself to having to 'break a girl in' every time he wants a non-awkward fuck.

It is this, perhaps, that first drives him to sleep with a man when one of the crewmembers on some ship he is temporarily sailing with invites him. He has since then found it far more to his liking, as it seems to him that men are more likely to be laid back about sex than women without having to be paid for it.

The only think about having sex with men that he can't quite stomach is how damn sneaky it all has to be. He doesn't go around broadcasting his personal life—he has never been the type of person to do that with anything besides perhaps his dream of being the greatest swordsman in the world—but it pisses him off how his male partners treat their sexual encounters; as if the world will end if anyone finds out. He isn't used to being in an only-behind-closed-doors relationship, and can't understand how anyone can be ashamed of such a thing.

Zoro has never been ashamed of anything.

But he finds it easier to be hush-hush about sex with men than to work at sex with women (and keep it just about sex), so he usually sleeps with a man when given the choice. When he is only looking for a one-night stand he will settle for women, but usually only then.

The thing he hates the most about sex is the morning after. He is never awkward—he is only awkward when it comes to directions, not that he will ever admit that to anyone—but his bed partners seem determined to be just that. The male ones, anyway, since he is always sure to be the one to leave when his partner is female.

They always leave the same way, men—stumbling about the room in a truly abominable and unnecessarily loud fashion, groping about for their pants or loin cloths or robes or whatever else happens to be the fashion for the island from whence they hail. It's rather disgusting, and even though Zoro has never been one to follow decorum he just can't settle with the way most men persist in leaving his bed.

When he leaves his lover, he always leaves unhurriedly, as he does everything else in life. He thinks this might be what gets him in trouble sometimes, since it gives some the impression that he is reluctant to go—sometimes he is, but not so reluctant that he would stay indefinitely.

He wishes that people would understand that.

After joining Luffy—not _joining_ him, because that would just be wrong, in Zoro's mind—sex is harder to come by for many reasons, not the least of which is that Luffy can't go anywhere without inciting some sort of riot. But sex is merely something that Zoro enjoys, not something he needs. Besides, he reasons, it gives him more frustration to work out through training, which in turn bodes well for his dream.

He doesn't necessarily enjoy it (or, rather, the lack of _it_), all the same.

So he is understandably excited…well, as excited as Zoro ever gets…when finally their crew is joined by another male with whom sex is welcome.

Or he had hoped it would be—it had been obvious with Luffy and Usopp that sex was a no-no (Luffy being Luffy and Usopp being Kaya's), but he had hoped that Sanji's girl-crazy act had…well, been nothing more than an act.

Not so, he finds as they begin sailing together. And that is something he finds completely and utterly baffling.

It could be this that has him fighting with Sanji so often, but he isn't quite sure, and usually just blames it on Sanji's general idiocy.

And then, one night a few weeks into their journey, Sanji catches him with a man.

Okay, not _with_ a man, exactly, but well on his way to being with a man.

The look Sanji gives him is one of sudden enlightenment, and it pisses him off so much that he shirks his would-be lover in favor of starting a fight.

As it turns out, Sanji's act isn't an act. But it does conceal the fact that Sanji's just as interested in men as he is in women.

Their night is tumultuous and infuriatingly mind-blowing, and contrary to what he would have believed Sanji does _not_ leave as all of his previous lovers have left.

Zoro wakes first, but continues to doze lightly, because he is just that damn tired. When Sanji wakes, Zoro suddenly finds an arm wrapped around his middle, and Sanji whispers things into his ear that are not quite endearing but not quite antagonizing either—things that had been left unsaid the night before and which bring a smile to his face in spite of himself. He replies in the same gentle tone that Sanji used, and then they get up and dressed with their usual nonchalance.

They return to the ship, and although things have definitely changed between them they are still very much the same as always.

They fight like crazy, and not all of these fights end in earth-shattering sex (although many of them do). Sanji cannot come between Zoro and training, just like Zoro cannot come between Sanji and cooking, no matter how much either tries to lure the other away. Sanji knows that Zoro will always be loyal to Luffy first and foremost, and Zoro understands that Sanji cannot help but flirt with anything that is in possession of breasts, two legs, and a vagina.

But Zoro is not stupid, contrary to popular belief. He notices the way Sanji feeds him just a little better than before, and the way they are suddenly closer to each other during battles. He, in turn, begins napping near where he knows Sanji likes to smoke, and on rare occasions when Sanji doesn't kick him awake he sometimes finds the petulant chef sitting and smoking beside him.

He isn't sure what it is about this relationship that makes him less adverse to outside-of-the-bedroom closeness, but in the end he decides he doesn't really care. Sanji is nakama, and Sanji is good in bed, and Sanji makes a kick ass meal, and Sanji can kick ass, and he can respect Sanji, and that is all that matters.

One day, he says three words to Sanji that he was always sure he would never say to anyone after Kuina died, and Sanji replies that he knows.

After they fight and fuck and fight some more, Sanji returns the sentiment.

The End.

_A/N: Lala I should be working on commissions but I'm not, lalalala. I was reading a Pillow Book (basically, a book someone writes in when those nasty thoughts sneak in RIGHT when you're about to slip off to sleep), and ended up getting inspired to write this. And now I actually need to go to bed, haha._

_Hope you enjoyed it!_

_Love ya! See ya next! –EtheG_


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